


I Feel Like I'm Going to Explode (And Not In a Good Way)

by MythGirl02



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Angst, Character Study, Gen, Introspection, One of My Favorites
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:40:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26685286
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MythGirl02/pseuds/MythGirl02
Summary: It's late. Ibuki wishes her thoughts would quiet down, or at least be in line with how she acted.
Kudos: 11





	I Feel Like I'm Going to Explode (And Not In a Good Way)

**Author's Note:**

> Time to impulse-post another college surplus fic! I'm really proud of this one, I love introspection, especially into Ibuki

It all becomes worse in the evenings.

Mornings and middays and afternoons were great, amazing even, because Ibuki had class and lunch and more class and sometimes her very own music club if anyone other than her ~~bothered~~ managed to show up. But then when evening hit and she was in her dorm, she wondered.

Ibuki would go on her phone, see if any of her ~~classmates~~ friends wanted to do something, see what the rest of the self-proclaimed Idiot Squad was up to. Funny, she never really got around to actually asking anyone to go out or raid the dining hall or do anything even remotely fun, because they were usually either ~~avoiding her~~ busy, ~~avoiding her~~ studying, or ~~definitely avoiding her~~ weren’t responding.

So she makes fun things for herself to do. Writing new songs. Practicing old ones. Rearranging her room even though she usually quits halfway through. Coming up with the most ridiculous answers for her homework.

Somehow, that all gets old quickly.

In class, she’s always ~~obnoxiously~~ loud, in the forefront of everything. When she’s outside of the classroom, she’s ~~forgettable~~ ~~invisible~~ less present. She doesn’t even know what her ~~classmates~~ friends think she does with her free time because she’s always talking about something or other and they never ~~listen~~ understand. Maybe one of these days she should go out and party on her own.

Tonight she takes out her acoustic guitar, her ~~only~~ favorite remnant of the start of her old band. Her fingers adjust to play familiar chords, long and low. One of Black Cherry’s more serious songs, an acoustic version no less. Contrary to ~~nobody’s~~ popular belief, this is one of her favorites. It has meaning. She could appreciate that.

It takes her two repeats of the song to look up the time on her phone. ~~Only~~ Already eight-thirty. Three new updates to the Instagram accounts her ~~classmates~~ friends run.

One is Mahiru’s, a couple of pictures Ibuki had already ~~pestered~~ asked her to show. Another is Teruteru’s, a single picture of the dinner he made for his family since he goes home on Fridays for the weekend. Then comes Hiyoko’s, a selfie of herself, Mikan, Chiaki, Mahiru, and Sonia ~~every girl but Ibuki Peko and Akane~~. She takes a quick selfie of herself with a ~~forced~~ enthusiastic smile and posts it with a ~~fake~~ fun caption before leaving a heart and a ~~passive-aggressive~~ quick comment and exiting out of the app. She ~~hated~~ is tired of social media.

Instead, she opens her playlist, setting her phone to her side as she lays back on her bed and stares at ~~nothing~~ the ceiling. The notes twist and blend in her mind, a cacophony of noise that ~~doesn’t~~ she doesn’t want to stop.

Eventually, she gets up and undoes her hair, takes off her eye makeup. She almost looks like ~~herself~~ a completely different person without it. She doesn’t look in the mirror long.

Nine twenty-seven. Picking up her phone again, she texts something ~~she hopes looks~~ witty into the Idiot Squad group chat. Nobody replies right away ~~like she always does~~. She ~~shouldn’t~~ can’t expect them to.

The sky’s already mostly dark when she looks out. Too cloudy for stars. That’s too bad. If there were stars, Ibuki could ~~kill~~ spend some time watching them, creating her own constellations. She could ask Kaito, but ~~he didn’t usually respond anyway~~ she never wanted to bother him about it. Making her own was more fun. But that was when there aren’t clouds.

Instead, she watches groups of students return from their outings. She could vaguely recognize some of her underclassmen from up there, but she stops looking before ~~she’s disappointed~~ anyone she knew well returned.

Ten thirteen. Normally she went to bed at eleven if not later. She’s tired, though, she’d done a lot in gym class. Maybe if she goes to bed early she ~~won’t hate herself as much~~ will have more energy for the weekend.

She changes into a tank top and loose pants as quick as she can, once more not lingering in the mirror. She plugs her phone in to charge- she never turns it off- and turns out her light. But she doesn’t sleep, not right away ~~like she used to~~. She stares up at the ceiling, out her window. She tosses and turns and checks her phone again for messages ~~though she knows there won’t be any~~.

It’s closer to eleven when she’s ~~frustrated~~ even more tired and willing to ~~finally~~ fall asleep. Maybe she could ask Mikan for tips tomorrow.

~~The group chat blows up while she’s sleeping. She knows why. She wonders why they haven’t removed her from it yet.~~

~~Hiyoko posts more pictures of their outing. Chiaki and Sonia text her to ask if she wants to do something soon. They likely saw through the passive-aggressiveness of her comment.~~

~~Her hair tangles up while she sleeps, almost impossible to get right the next morning. She hates it and wants most of it gone, wants to style it differently. But this is who she is.~~

Ibuki sleeps and wakes up and it’s a new day. ~~This one will be better.~~


End file.
